ugh

I can’t put my life on hold for you forever, you know.
There are so many things I’m still not bold enough to say to you.
Don’t expect it to be this way for much longer.

What the fuck am I doing? WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?

Day one: Introduce yourself. Write a long about me.

Hi, I’m Kayla. I just turned 18, and I’m not as excited about it as most kids my age. In fact, that’s only one of the many differences between kids my age and myself. I don’t like to beat around the bush, or leave anything left unsaid. I have a lot of issues stemming from my childhood, and I can’t seem to fix any of them. I’m extremely withdrawn from the world, and I put more trust into music and drugs than I’ve ever put into anybody or anything else. I’m a skeptic, and I don’t really believe in anything or anybody. I’m contantly setting goals for myself that I’m well aware are unattainable, but I work towards them all just the same. I’m going to make something of myself- I’ve worked my whole life to ensure that simple fact. I’m a hard person to get close to, and an even harder person to stay close to. I push everybody away. I don’t have much of an interest in people, or feelings anymore. But despite all of that, I’ve given my heart to a boy who is constantly coming in and out of my life. He’s the only person who has ever really loved me, and I strongly believe that one day, things will work for us. I cling to that idea, but it’s probably just my way of dealing with things. I don’t have many friends, and I am constantly the unpopular opinion. But I don’t care. It’s nearly impossible to embarass me, and I can out-obnoxious anybody. I put forth an outgoing and loud exterior to avoid any and all serious conversation possible. The only place I really let anything out is my journal. I’ve been keeping them since I was seven. I’m not good with goodbye, and I’m even worse at hello. But I try.